In Her Key - A Diary
Entry #1
A note before we dive in: I took a week vacation after an extensive and demanding tax season at work to realign myself. Recently, I found myself untuned and out of key so to say. I simply needed to sit and create. So I opened up the archives of my life. Years of written work and songs that have gone unpublished that I am just now choosing to release. Today I’m beginning with a journal entry. In Her Key is a diary. It’s the process of working through the missed notes, off beats, and funky tempos. It’s a journey to the sweet spot—to the groove that hits and the musical key that feels just right.
August 8, 2024
Looking back, I could never detach from my moral compass and for that I was told I was too good. “Too good?” I would ask. Is there not just goodness? It was my “friendships” w/Mya, Raquel, and Elizabeth that exposed me to young girls who had knowingly and willingly moved so far away from what was good. Yet they wanted me close—close so they could easily turn me away. Katherine (Mya’s mom) hated me because I reminded her of how “bad” Mya was. Dottie (Raquel’s mom) appreciated my presence because she hoped I would influence Raquel.
They were manipulative in every sense of the word. They understood motive, sensuality, and sexuality in ways that no other elementary girl did. My innocence was a challenge for them. I’m thankful for my mom’s protection. She allowed me to ask questions about what I didn’t understand while preserving that innocence. She never left me alone or defenseless.
It wasn’t until womanhood that I understood what it was I faced in knowing these girls. It was female chaos and darkness in its earliest form. It came with sitting with my own ugliness. Turns out the rose-colored glasses I’ve been told I wear sometimes have come with a choice to put them on in the first place. I’ve since chosen to take them off for good and see the world and my experiences for what they really are.
Introspectively yours,
Cecilia